Thoughts? Advice? Send it to firstname.lastname@example.org
I am at a crossroads in my marriage. I have a wife who I love, adore, cherish and think is the most beautiful women I have ever met. She is an amazing mother, supportive and strives hard to be/do everything to the best of her abilities. There is one exception that she could care less about that is sex. During the first few years of our marriage things were fine but over the years things have tapered off. Which to some degree I expect to happen but we have reached a point where weeks go by and there isn't any or even a discussion about the topic. Every time this happens I am the first to approach her very gently as presenting the information in a way that adds to much pressure will shut her down (we learned this in therapy) and share how it makes me feel when we are not intimate.
I have had to to swallow my pride over and over again to do this but I care about what we have and want to make an effort for it last and willing to do the work.
I have adjusted to her lack of desire by decreasing my own. (my drive is thru the roof not to mention I think my wife is hot so seeing is about all I need for motivation)
I have learned to respect her body as her space and give her time. I allow her to intitate sex because that is the only time she is receptive to it
I have researched the topic both from a male and female perspective to become educated on what she may be experiencing
I have been bitter about this topic and now I am not any more. I am becoming dispassionate about it and detaching my desire because discussing it with her seems to go no where.
When I look at our life and this situation I honestly feel it is a priority issue. My wife makes time for work, the kids, and then if there is any left for me. When we try to talk about this it turns into her feeling she is not good enough and me feeling like she isn't hearing the fact that I have a need I want to be acknowledged and prioritized. I feel she isn't motivated to prioritize me or my needs, When the kids grow up and the job goes away I am what she will be left with. My wife asks for my love, respect, honest, compassion, hard work, and support and I am held accountable to those responsibilities as her husband which I take very seriously. As my wife is she not accountable to my needs even if they are not of interest to her.
So here I am sharing my feelings on a show that she listens too in hopes that maybe some other folks might help motivate her in a way that I can't seem too.