Today, I got in trouble with that little voice inside that always, ALWAYS tells me what to do just before I do the exact opposite. And so today, I started to cry in front of people three different times seconds after the thought, don't say thaaaa....., but I said it. It wasn't even the same thing each time either, and at each tear drop I fanned my eyes like I was Jackie watching...well anything.
The first tear fell when I started talking about my Dad. Sunday after next the NM Boys and Girls Ranch will be on the PSA Show. This morning while talking to Heath....cowboy, tough.....I started to cry as he talked working on a ranch and I recalled the working ways of my Dad and how lucky I was to have him. Daddy was the epitome of a true cowboy. He used to talk about ranch work and horses for hours. He never got tired of it.
A few minutes later I was in a meeting and started talking about Baby, my pit who passed a few years back and a book I was given at the time about the grief of losing a pet. All of a sudden I was apologizing to the sales manager and client for my tears....
Then while talking to one of my instructors at school he said, "you know a lot of people drop out after the midterm." That was because about half the class was absent today. I said, "I almost did too but I've got to graduate before I retire." I'm not sure why but that did it too.
While leaving school today I looked up into the beautiful blue NM sky and saw a cloud that reminded me of a pic I snapped in the Summer of 2015. I opened my phone to find it....this pick that to me looked like a heart melting away. I had just become single for the first time in fifteen years and had lost my Grandmother a few months after that, so to me this pic had a deep meaning. I cried again but felt pretty good about it this time. This doesn't exactly look like a heart melting. I now see a bird in flight and he looks happy. All of the Blessings in life we are given, remain. Even if the vessel they arrived in has evaporated with time.