Even the happiest couples have a fight from time to time and we all know that’s totally normal. But if you feel like you and your S.O. have been having more than your fair share of arguments lately, it can start to shake you and make you feel like your relationship is doomed.
But there’s no need to freak out because psychologist Joseph Cilonaassures us that all couples have disagreements and argue and just because some do it more than others doesn’t mean they’re destined to breakup. “There is no one correct formula when it comes to frequency of conflict,” he explains. “And there is no one correct way to navigate conflict that’s right for all couples.”
The fact that a couple is still arguing is actually a good sign for their relationship, says psychologist Ramani Durvasula. She says fighting means you still care about the relationship and that when you stop fighting altogether, one or both people may have “checked out” of the relationship.
The thing that’s important about conflict between couples is that your fights are healthy. So ask yourself:
- Do you fight fair? - If your disagreements with your S.O. turn into name calling and personal attacks, that is definitely not healthy.
- Do you finish your fights? - How well you make up is important, too. Couples who can resolve conflict and have productive fights may share more intimacy. But having the same old fight over and over with no resolution is a problem.
- Do you ever feel threatened? - Any fight that makes you feel physically, emotionally, or psychologically unsafe is a huge red flag.