How to Spot a Narcissist, According To Experts

Narcissists come in a number of flavors -- all of them bad. But how do you know when you have one in your life?

Experts say to look for these sure-fire signs:

Hoovering. Toxic exes may try to re-enter our lives in the name of change: They'll say they've grown into a more loving partner, but do they mean it? Narcissists use "hoovering" to suck someone back into an abusive relationship through manipulation, only to continue the cycle of abuse.

Love bombing: When things start with lavish gifts, extravagant getaways, and public displays of affection. You may be part of an emotional manipulation tactic known as "love bombing," which clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula has described as "too much too fast."

Baiting. This can take a number of forms, like:

  • Overt insults such as mocking, taunting, and ridiculing with offensive jibes. 
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  • Guilt-tripping or playing the victim and blaming others for their own unhappiness, to elicit a response.
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  • Intimidation and threats to provoke fear or anxiety in order to keep the recipient compliant. For instance, they may threaten to publicly expose secrets, vulnerabilities or insecurities. 

Gaslighting. The most common sign, marked by:

  • Insisting that an event or behavior you witnessed never happened and that you’re remembering it wrong.
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  • Changing the subject or refusing to listen when confronted about a lie or other gaslighting behavior
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  • Telling you that you’re overreacting when you call them out

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