Having a third wheel in your relationship can be awkward, but for a lot of us, it’s not a friend, but our phones. It’s not surprising, since we all spend a lot of time on our phones, but research shows that couples spend more than a quarter (27%) of their time together using their phones. And the same study finds that when partners interact with their phone instead of each other, relationship satisfaction and wellbeing can take a hit.
According to a study from Lovehoney, over a third of people (35%) admit that being on their phone makes them less willing to be intimate with their partner. And that number jumps to 45% for millennials. But some phone habits are worse for relationships than others and psychotherapists and couples counselors warn these are the ones you may want to rethink.
- Reaching for your phone after sex - Those moments of post-intimacy bliss should be for connecting and tenderness, not scrolling. If you’ve ever had a partner reach for their phone instead of connecting with you, you’re not alone, as the Lovehoney research shows 25% of people grab their phone right after sex. "This is the moment of greatest vulnerability between two partners,” explains therapist Matthew Bernarda. “When one of them immediately reaches for the phone, that moment does not end naturally. It is abruptly interrupted.”
- Phubbing - This refers to phone snubbing, or ignoring your partner to scroll on your phone instead. We’ve all done it, sometimes without even realizing it, but it can leave your partner feeling less important than the notification you just got. "It is not about a single event, but rather an ongoing one, where a person keeps checking the phone in the middle of a conversation, does not really listen, and responds slowly," says Natasha Davalt, marriage and family therapist. Over time this can erode the couples’ emotional bond and connection.
- Checking your partner’s phone without permission - This can ruin trust in a relationship, according to Bernarda. “It shows that the person going through the phone is looking for proof that everything is okay," he says. "But the act of going through the phone is proof itself that something is wrong.”
- Parallel scrolling for hours - Being able to share quiet time where neither partner feels the need to talk can show you're comfortable with each other. Scrolling next to each other for short bursts can be fine, just not for hours on end.
Source: Mashable